I remember a report some time ago extolling the health benefits of the vitamins found in sperm, with the advice that in preparation for having a healthy and intelligent baby, for some months before becoming pregnant a woman should swallow her partner's sperm. You can rest assured this report was compiled by a team of men. This has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact I set out to write a book entitled "49", a humorously light-hearted fly-on-the-wall look at my life from the day before my forty-ninth birthday to the day I hit fifty. A story of how I was coping with being too old for a mid-life crisis, counting the days tick down until the inevitable half-century. Should I be wearing socks with sandals; when would I start to enjoy pastimes that involved either binoculars, a fishing rod, making boats out of used matchsticks, a tandem bicycle or Morris dancing? Was I developing man-breasts, and more importantly, would the next woman I meet have bingo-wings? What pre-fifty...

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