Yo, this is Hal the Caveman coming at you. I lived 5 million years ago in what's now known as Chicken Bend, Arkansas. As a hobby, I drew pictures on the walls of my cave, showing what life was like back in the day. Then some egghead spotted my artwork and found a way to translate it into modern English. Thrill as I describe how dinosaurs used my relatives as throw pillows! Read with awe as I reveal the importance of not ending up as part of a velociraptor turd! Share the joy as I relate how we accidentally invented the missionary position when Tamuk tripped over a tree root and fell on top of his cousin, Twin Moons. See how caveman really felt about: Family Life: "Kids and food...it's important to know the difference". Clothing: "Sometimes back hair just isn't enough". Fighting: "Like rugby with spears". And for all you aspiring Fred Flinstones, I'll be offering up some modern-day wisdom, like redoing your apartment, Miocene-era...

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