Book Description Dear Jesus, Gerry didn't work out because Gerry didn't work. And after spending one night in complete darkness because "pretty didn't pay the light bill," Gerry and I broke up and are no longer speaking. Marshall wasn't a viable suitor because when he finally revealed himself to me, I found out that his breasts were larger than mine because he used to be a she. Marshall and I are no longer speaking. Keith could have been the one. I met him at a taco stand and I was certain he was the "It Man." He was beautiful, articulate, and one my favorite things on earth, employed. When I was in his presence he felt like the last man on earth. But on our first date I became extremely irritated by this simple fact: his wife kept paging him during our meal. So, Jesus, I am down on my knees begging for mercy. I ask for an eligible, employed, nonviolent single man with no current wives or husbands who has more teeth than felony convictions to...

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