In no time - because of a parrot called Porridge - Alfie's got a black eye. Miss Tadpole, his teacher is on the warpath and he's in trouble with his Mum for telling lies. To make matters worse, he's somehow agreed to breakdance in a talent show, but Alfie CAN'T dance. As the big day looms, will Alfie find the courage to perform on stage? Will his black eye go down or still be the colour of puke? And more to the point, what havoc will Porridge cause this time? Shortlisted for Funny Writer prize 2012.

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